Can you see what’s different?

We are on day 4 of our admission chemo & its been… so-so. Tucker has done… just OK. We had a little hiccup with one of his important meds that got left out of his daily pills, and turns out if that one pill is left out and you stop it “cold turkey” then it causes WHOLE BODY PAINS. When we found out the cause, that this little pill wasn’t being given to him, we were all relieved because at least it was an answer to the problem. His thyroid doc said if he doesn’t get this med, daily that its very painful. Now when I found out that he wasn’t getting his med….. I wasn’t pissed (surprised? Me too..) I was relieved, relieved that we had an answer to this problem! For like 24hrs everybody was scratching their heads… wondering, guessing, supposing… I just hate that “we don’t know” type of situation. So to have an answer to a problem is relieving & honestly it taught me a lesson, a lesson of respect, respect Tucker’s pills. This is not the way you want to learn a lesson, but its very good to know what would happen if Tucker didn’t get this one pill….So I see this little pill in a whole new light. Now the mix up here wasn’t the fault of the nurses or doctor’s, they did everything right, it was a mix up on the pharmacy end of things. I’ve been told that the person responsible was “talked to and taken care of”. I don’t know what that means but I know they take stuff like that up here very seriously. So when it was found out that Tucker was missing this pill they gave him “emergency” doses and caught him up. The difference is astounding, since Tuesday Tucker was in to much pain to walk, and the one walk I got him to take he walked like a 80year old man and he only took a few steps before he broke down crying…. Then last night (Thursday, after getting his emergency dose around noon that day) at 10:20 pm Tucker perked right up and said “Mom, we need to go for a walk, now.” I said “Hu? Now? Ummm… oookkkeeeyyyyy….” So we got up and he was walking like a 50 year old man! LOL I mean, it was so much better, longer strides- quicker walk- he talked the whole time- it was great! We stopped by the “treat” room to grab him a snack and just happen to run into another zombie looking mom in there- her and I got to talking and Tucker looked at me and said “Good you meet your friend I’m going back to bed”…. And he turned around and walked back to his room and left me there with this other mom who had the “shell shocked” look. Her son was just diagnosed 4 weeks ago with AML, the difference in the cancer is its in his bone marrow & will need a bone marrow transplant, but they have already found out that a sister was a match. They are all very optimistic about the situation & outcome. I looked at her and said…. Something that I’m sure has more meaning coming from another cancer mom… I said probably what she needed to hear- This will get better, it will get easier- not for a while so just prepare and hang in there, but eventually it does get easier, your still in the “shell shocked” stage- one day very soon you’ll get into a routine and it will become easier. I know exactly how you feel, I have now been there twice- so you need to know, it does get easier. She just started crying and then hugged me really tight. And then right as we were separating back into our rooms I said “Wait, come here really quick, let me show you one thing that you need to get.” I brought her into our room and showed her this sleeping pad that Justin had bought at Smith & Edwards in Ogden. Its like the memory foam pad, its about 2 inches thick and IT’S A LIFE/BACK SAVER! I said to her- go get one of these ASAP, trust me”. She thanked me up and down and went back to her room. Tucker just smiled at me and said “I’m glad you made a friend, she was nice.”
This reminds me of the other day up here we had a parent meeting- it’s a “parent break time” where all the mom’s of the cancer ward get together to swap stories and just, well, talk the talk that only other cancer parents can understand. So we all swapped stories and the mom’s ranged from newly diagnosed mom’s to battles many years into the fight. I got some great pointers on radiation treatment, 2 of the mom’s have already been through it and that is something Tucker will need to do but we haven’t before so I’m always looking for advice from other parents that have already done that. The feeling was interesting… we all looked like zombies but also there was an air of relief in the room- like FINALLY somebody who understands my story. The moment though I’ll never forget is when we were all leaving to get back to our kids- we all looked at each other and said something that has a completely different meaning, and different feeling coming from other mom’s of the same cancer world…. Everybody said GOOD LUCK to each other. I can’t really write about the feeling those 2 words have up here being exchanged from one cancer mom to the other cancer mom- but it’s a feeling so strong, that I walked away with goosebumps. The simple phrase of GOOD LUCK really interrupts to- I hope your child makes it. Many people have said GOOD LUCK to us through both battles of cancer, but the only time that I got hit by the freight train feeling of it- was when it was said to me by these others mom.
It does look like we will get to go home today, with this Methotraxiate chemo we have to wait for his body to “clear” it out of his system before we can go. He is currently at a 1.1 and he needs to be below 0.1 for us to leave.

Here is a picture of my sweet boy……. Can you see what’s different about him? My little boy got his first pair of MEN’s size glasses! I can’t believe it! He’s in size 9men’s shoes, size men’s small for shirt… and he has officially gotten his first pair of men’s frames for glasses. He loves them.
Love to all Amber, Justin & Tucker