Mom's Have Drama Too....

My life kind of goes like this.... in a nut shell...

Tucker to the doc...

Tucker to the doc.......

Tucker to the doc..........

Justin to the doc.......

Tucker back to the doc......

Justin back to the doc....

Tucker..... Justin.... Tucker.... Tucker.... Justin....

then, ME?!

I have the hardest time going to the doctor for myself.... I will wait until I think I'm totally on the brink of death... and THEN.... I'll wait just another day to make sure I'm sure that I really still seriously feel like dying..... THEN I'll go to the doctor- grudgingly.

Mom's not a happy camper- not by a long shot. I'm the patient they all avoid....

OK, hopefully I'm not THAT bad....

I mean... I'm no JOY... sure...

Last month in a fabulous blonde moment... I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and I fell over the edge of our bed- Our bed that has been in the same place for years- I tripped and fell in a very ungraceful, unladylike- KA-BOOM... type of way.... the edge of the bed scrapped up the side of my leg and I did a funny trip-twist pretzel move to my knee. I didn't think much of my fall at the time, my leg hurt from the scratch, I was pretty embarrassed and very grateful that the lights were off... so I just went on my merry way, and like a week after the fall my knee started to swell up and hurt.... and it kept getting worse and worse to the point that I actually had tears in my eyes & I couldn't move my leg/knee very well- Justin and Tucker were fed up with all my complaining & I was fed up with the pain- so I finally made a doctors appointment. This was on a Thursday that I decided to be a "grown-up" and go to the doctor, so I called up Dr. Halls office and pretty much demanded to be seen the next day (I wasn't taking no for an answer and I was worried about my knee)- so they got me in first thing in the morning. I had my initial appointment with a PA of Dr. Halls but he could tell that something was wrong, my knee had swollen up like a balloon! So he told me to get an MRI on my knee-

On Friday at my appointment it was 11am and they were scheduling an MRI for my knee, the little nurse called up to Ogden Regional and they had an opening in a WEEK to fit me in- IN A FREAKING WEEK- I looked at this little nurse and I said.... THEY HAVE to do better than that! I hurt NOW- I want this MRI done TODAY.

Her eyes got really big and she said.... OK, give me a minute (don't mess with a childhood cancer fighting mom, we are a different breed of mom).

So she called the actual MRI department at Ogden Regional and surprise surprise... they could fit me in that SAME day (what were they saying about a week out?!), but it wouldn't be until 6pm that night. I told the nurse, sure I'll take that appointment- BUT you tell them I'm leaving your office right now (it was 11am) and I'm heading straight up to Ogden Regional to the MRI waiting room and I will sit there and wait until they can take me in. If I wait until 6pm, fine, but I'll be there before noon- come hell or high water I was going to get this ALL done in 1 day!

So, I show up to Ogden Regional expecting to wait for 6hrs until my "appointment"- but they got me right in, I only waited 30 minutes, if even. Again, I'm baffled by the first initial time frame of a WEEK away..... (ggrrrrrr).... They told me it would take a week or 2 to get my results, which bummed me out but I figured I was already 2weeks ish ahead of the "game"... waiting a week or 2 now for results should be nothing.

Monday rolled around, just 3 days since my MRI, and my knee was hurting- I know they told me to wait a week or 2 before they would have results but I figured it couldn't' hurt to call and just see if they heard anything. So I called Dr. Halls office and sure enough they have not seen any MRI reports come back yet- I wasn't surprised but the lady told me if I wanted to I could call the MRI department and ask them the status of my results.

Well, sure lady... let me just do YOUR job.

But OK, I'll do it- since apparently its not in your job description *rolling my eyes* And... like I always say... we are all our own best advocate...

So I call up to Ogden Regional MRI department and said... "I'm Amber, I just wanted to know if my MRI results from Friday were finished yet" and the nice nurse on the other line said "Yep, I have them right here they are completed."

I said.... "What did you just say to me...? Seriously.... they are done?, like really? Why did they tell me that it was going to be 2 weeks to get results, here its hardly been 3 days and they are done?"-

She didn't reply to that, she just asked me where I wanted them faxed to and she would send them right over.

*pat myself on the back for being my best advocate.... look what I've accomplished .. Jeez, I should go into business doing this for people- I just saved like WEEKS worth of time, .... in the back of my mind I feel like I'm doing other peoples jobs that they should be doing... but what ya' gonna do?

I called back to my Dr Hall's office and let them know they were done and they are faxing them right over, so when can I come in to get my results? They scheduled me in for the next day- COOL.

So here it has been 4 days, I got into the Dr, got and MRI and got the results and a follow up appointment to get the results- if I went by the time frame they original gave me... I would be like 4 to 6 weeks out- that is just ridiculous, I mean, I'm just shocked at the time frames people kept giving me..

So I get into the Dr and the MRI showed I had A meniscus tear that would require surgery to fix.

*sigh*

Surgery? Me?

Go figure that one of my blonde moment falls would equal into a needed surgery to fix the damage.

With Tucker's weekly chemo's going on and super busy at work, I had to put the surgery off until just last week.

So the longest part of this whole thing was by my own choosing.... crazy hu?

When I went into surgery Dr Hall told me when I woke up I would have a ice pack cooler thing along with a ace bandage on my leg and I should be able to assist/walk on my own. A meniscus tear surgery is fairly simple and straight forward.

but when I woke up- my leg, from my ankle to the top of my thigh was wrapped in a big black LOCKED in place brace, the thing weighs like 10lbs, I'm not kidding and I was told I couldn't walk on my leg at all and needed crutches (that Ogden Regional DID NOT PROVIDE FOR ME- GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)

Justin told me that the Dr. went in thinking he was doing one surgery, and ended up doing a different surgery all together. I had more damage to my knee, something about cartilage torn off and had to remove it and "down to the bone"... something... something... something... "takes along time to heal".... ect.... I'm still not exactly sure what he did, but I know he drilled holes into my tibia, and he didn't fix my meniscus at all- because this other big problem was the BIG problem that had to be fixed that was causing all the pain.

So now I'm home, not moving, have my crutches and a nifty looking knee brace that forces my leg in a straight position at all times. Its very uncomfortable.

Justin &Tucker... boy am I blessed to have these guys in my life... they have been doing everything and anything for me, I get hugs, and loves, and drinks and food, and control to the TV AND they will even watch the shows with me that they HATE.....I swear up and down, I think when Tucker grows up he is going to be a awesome nurse. I believe this childhood full of cancer's, chemo's, doctors, nurses and hospitals- he is getting the best training, the best grooming ever, to become an amazing nurse. I feel so blessed to have these boys in my life. It feels like we are in the hospitals or doctors about every other week, but that is just our lot in life, those are the cards we were dealt.

If anybody can take anything away from my post today, it would be- you are your own best advocate ... don't take the first time frame they (anybody) give you, be persistent be on top of it, & get it taken care of. It is such a different life on how you are treated as an adult vs how children are treated. With children they seem to get into the doctor right away, don't have to wait for appointments or results (not long anyways)- if my whole drama was for Tucker, I bet it would have taken LESS time than my 5 day turn around time that I was so impressed with (and the product of my own persistence). They probably would have had it all done in the same day. I guess when it comes to me and being in the childhood cancer world for so long, I expect the same treatment (yes yes... don't laugh... I know its a ridiculous expectation) that would be given to Tucker.

*sigh*

It should be the same for adults as it is for kids...

Anyways, sorry this post was more about my drama than Tucker's cancer- but I'm home, I can't move, I'm bored... and I'm having a pitty party.

Thanks for listening!!

Love to all-

sorry for complaining...

sorry for whining....

 

Tucker at his last Chemo/Spinal Tap appointment

Sorry for the sideways picture that is all blogger, I SWEAR!

 

 

 

Urine the Clinic Now

Another day at the hospital and here we sit waiting for Tucker to pee. Each time the nurse questions "Do you have to go yet?" is met by a shake of the head. Tucker is playing video games and apparently this acts as some kind of urinary inhibitor.

"We can't start your chemo till we get a urine sample from you. Do you have to go yet?" another shake of the head.

Why is it that kids have to pee 5 minutes after you get in the car to go on a trip or any time the nearest bathroom is 100 miles away? Is there a direct correlation between video games and an increased bladder capacity? Someone should do a study, not me though, I'm just trying to insinuate images of running water, waterfalls, etc. into Tuckers subconscious. It's not working. I'm pretty sure there is a direct correlation between PlayStation and higher brain function cessation. 

Maybe if I tickle him? Can they extract the sample from his pants should he pee them? Never mind, he's got to ride home with me.

Oh wait, what is this? The nurse is now forcing him to try. This might work.

5 minutes later:

After much effort and a virtual eternity away from his game we now have a viable sample. Let the chemo begin!

Too much talking about pee, now I have to go. TMI, I realize.

We hope you have as much fun reading this as we did experiencing it.

Until next time.

Justin and Tucker

PS: This post contained no sarcasm whatsoever.

PPS: The PS was dripping with sarcasm

Hold the cream please….

 First off I need to start this off with an apology, I had no idea how many people read this blog & actually make it through my crazy writings, I’ve heard a few people have missed me (People actually read what I write?! Cool!). I know I’ve pulled away lately… I kind of hit, what I like to call “Amber’s  patch of thistles” – in my garden in my brain.

Yep, you heard me..

 In my brain- the garden of thoughts, the flowers of actions, the landscaping of sanity…my own personal garden started to grow thistles….

I think one of the most unspoken sides to childhood cancer…. Something that you never really hear or focus on is…. How is mom & dad holding up? I bet a few of you are thinking now “I asked Amber all the time how she’s doing, and she said ‘Fine’, so isn’t she fine?”  Cancer parents learn pretty quickly to come up with an automated response to certain questions…

How are you doing? Fine, thanks.

How is your kid doing? Fine, thanks.

How is chemo going? Fine, thanks.

Is there anything I can get you? Chocolate… err, I mean, I’m fine, thanks.

Is there anything going on? Chocolate… wait, that was the other answer.. I mean, I’m fine- thanks.

What do you think of the candidates running for election? I’m fine, thanks… oh wait, you asked me a real question that involves thought… ummmm…. I vote Ralph Wiggum (Did anybody laugh at that joke?).

A few months ago, there was a big concern that came up and we had the fear that Tucker had already relapsed with his cancer (within his relapse we are already dealing with)…. I was terrified… probably one of the top 3 most terrify childhood cancer memories I have (ugh, how many people can udder that phrase?)…. BUT- We did a spinal tap, tested his fluid… and he’s clean, there were no cancer cells to be found- WHEW!!!!!!!!!! (I did grow a few more grey hairs that day). All of us holding our breath let out this big huge sigh of relief…. It was like we were on PAUSE… and then the doctor reached over and hit the PLAY button… and we were just supposta take off and “play” from here, move forward with life, still on chemo- but at least making progress with the cancer we are currently fighting…. Well… as Tucker & Justin started to move forward, I noticed (not until later) that I wasn’t moving, I wasn’t just on PAUSE- I was on STOP. I had left the garden in my brain un-attended… and like weeds do, if you don’t keep up on pulling them, they will take over- I’ve never really gotten to that place before, where I just, I guess the easiest way to describe it was… I was DONE, totally absolutely DONE,  I was walking around in my mind looking at my garden and I saw….thistles. I had one thought- DONE, AMBER IS DONE, I’M DONE- THIS IS SO DONE-I CAN’T DO IT, I’M DONE.

Now what? What do you do when you’re in a phase that you don’t even know you’re in, and you’re thinking thoughts you didn’t even know you were thinking, and everybody else was moving forward- but you- and nobody else noticed- BUT you? How do you deal with a situation that, honestly, you don’t think a kid with cancer’s mom, should be in? Aren’t’ all kids with cancer parents like ultra super man/women? They can handle anything! How often do you find yourself sitting back thinking “I don’t know how he/she does this! I could never do what they are doing!”…. Trust me, I bet all the other cancer mom’s out there… they may put on a good front, I bet part of their gardens have thistles growing also- but maybe not, and it could all just be me- I know a lot of them are superwomen and I’m amazed all the time at their strength and courage and I endeavor to handle this situation like they do! I just think that this is due to the fact me and Tucker have been fighting cancer now for 8 YEARS….. my brain is tired,  I feel like I’ve had the weeds growing for a long time & didn’t know it, what do you do with weeds that you don’t know you have? You think everything is fine- you think your garden is beautiful….and then one day you step on a thistle, and you hop around and cuss until you pull that thistle thorn out of your big toe…. Then you pause, take a look around and realized your screwed,  all the beautiful flowers you thought you were tending to, were all just thistly weeds.

You’ve probably read all of that and are just totally confused,- what the crap is Amber talking about? Thistly weeds in her brain? Or is she really going off about gardening and how in the HECK does this tie into childhood cancer? Hey if you’ve read my past blog writings, you should totally be expecting something confusing, it takes me painting a picture in words to explain to you whats going on in my life….

Amber’s no-fail steps to battling weeds in your garden….

First step, realize you grew weeds, instead of beautiful flowers….(so in “normal non-amber-crazy- talk”- realize you have a problem, you’re on “STOP”, you’re DONE, essentially… you’re not “FINE”)

Second step- go get a great weed killer…. (Translation: Go to doctor and get strong meds to assist you in this battle)

Third step…. Actively try to kill the weeds… (take your “weed killer”, go for a run, work on some hobbies, try to do what you used to do when you were a normal functioning person-you need to re-train your brain how to function again- how to be a normal person again)

Fourth step-  if the other 3 steps haven’t helped you out- throw in the towel, gardening was never my thing anyways & opt to get a new puppy (we did, & named her Lucy).

I just totally pulled away; I didn’t want to think about cancer let-alone write about cancer- I went through this big “poor-pity-me” phase and I thought nobody cared.  I’ve realized now that I’m wrong especially after I’ve had many people tell me “WRITE ON YOUR BLOG!”.  I’m doing better now, I’ve just ran in the RAGNAR Wasatch Back Relay Race a couple of weekends ago (I’m still sore) and I’ve been trying to slowly pull myself out of this slump.

Like I said I know it’s a side of childhood cancer that nobody really talks about- I needed to address that side…….. and if I had a million dollars I would pay for 10 full time therapist to spend 100% of their time and focus on all of us cancer mom’s & dad’s. Hey, if anybody is reading this and they are a therapist and want to donate your time… let me know.

Ok, enough with Amber-Crazy- Ramblings….. On to Tucker…

Tucker is doing ok. We are on weekly chemo schedule, Tucker’s home nurse comes over every Monday morning  and pulls Tucker’s blood so we can get blood counts- all of his levels have to be above a certain point in order for us to have chemo the next day. His counts on this Monday were ok- not great, but he’s been worse and they were just high enough to pass counts. We are currently on week #65 ish of treatments…. We have like 120 ish weeks total… we are about half way done with treatments- I had very split feelings on this… my emotions were like- YEAH, HALF WAY DONE….. OH MY HECK ONLY HALF WAY? WE HAVE DONE THIS MUCH AND WE ARE ONLY HALF WAY?! YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! YEAH WE SURVIVED HALF WAY! See all the highs and lows? Welcome to my life…. Please feel free to dish any sympathy out to my husband Justin who has to deal with my crazy every day- LOVE YOU HONEY!

We did chemo today, he got Vincristine and something else that starts with a “C” and ends with “Toxin” I can’t quite remember its name and I know I couldn’t spell it right anyways….. he is at only 75% strength of chemo dose because his body and blood can’t handle 100% strength…. Every time we raise his chemo strength his blood counts crash and it delays chemo & makes him sick. 

OUR BIG CELEBRATION TODAY-- BIG news for today…. The ONE thing that was different that brought tears to my eyes…. Tucker decided today that he doesn’t need to numb his skin, no cream, no freezing stuff, on his skin above his port site before they poke him. This. Is. A. Huge. Deal. He is no longer my little 4 year old boy afraid of needles and pokes- he can do it without any help. *sniff* my little baby…. All grown up….

Ah dang, I’ve got tears in my eyes again…

Anyways…

First you have to understand what a power port is… A power port (Wikipedia definition) is a small medical appliance that is installed beneath the skin. A catheter connects the port to a vein. Under the skin, the port has a septum through which drugs can be injected and blood samples can be drawn many times, usually with less discomfort for the patient than a more typical "needle stick".  

So for most of the cancer kids, they get this port put in and it lays right below their skin, so instead of “fishing” for a vein- which we all know can be painful- they install this little port and that is exactly where they poke the needle every time- no fishing, no guess work- its just right there. Well before we get up to the hospital, we put a numbing cream on his skin so he can’t feel the initial “poke” of the needled, we also do this every Monday morning before his nurse comes over to take blood. Most parents/kids do this…..prepare the skin for the poke-  from dealing with kids and needles at such a young age its just better to get rid of the little poke they may feel all together and that takes a little more fear out of the whole process, any little bit counts especially when they are that young. Well today Tucker said he didn’t need any cream *sniff*… he was big enough to handle it without cream *sniff, sniff*… and he couldn’t figure out why me, and all the nurses up there and his doctor were making such a big deal out of this. They were all clapping and congratulating him and we were all just so happy, we all knew what a big step this is for a kid…. And he was just SO cute. And I just sat there and cried, my little baby…. Not afraid of needles, he can handle the poke now. About a year ago, he still had to hold my hand for the poke, then he stopped holding my hand…. And now, no cream- where has my little boy gone?

Anyways, I have lots more to say but I had better wrap this up, its getting long. Please forgive me for my delay in writing a post about Tucker… I promise now to keep it up, you all love him and its important to keep you all up to date on his progress.

We are half way through… Hell yeah… we made it half way….. the 2nd half had BETTER be easier than the first.

Love to all

My-baby-boy-is-growing-up, Amber

My-wife-is-a-tad-crazy-&-super-hot, Justin (yes yes, I wrote the post, not Justin…. We’ll see if he even notices I wrote that…)

Hold-the-cream-I’m-a-big-boy, Tucker

Getting Measured

Hold The Cream Please

Best Doctor ever Dr. Affify

Best nurse ever.....Trisha

1 Year or 7 !

A YEAR or 7!

Please fill in the blanks below…

Wow, its been:
a) 1 year since Tucker relapsed
b) 7 years since Tucker’s first cancer
c) A lot of years since mom’s hair started going grey
d) All of the above.

I can’t believe it. Time has sure flown by.
It feels like so much more time has passed since we heard the heart-stopping news of
a) Your son has cancer again- this time in his spinal fluid & brain
b) Your son has cancer
c) “Mom, your grey hair is growing so much faster”… (gee, wonder why).
d) All of the above.

So many highs and lows, so much good and so much bad, I’m so grateful for:
a) Talented & wonderful Oncology doctors at Primary Children’s Hospital
b) Kind & warm nurses in the clinic.
c) Hair dye that is inexpensive & covers the grey
d) All of the above.

I look back on the:
a) Past year
b) Past 7 years
c) Past hair color choices I’ve made
d) all of the above
…. And I think to myself- wow I feel:
a) So old & tired
b) SO MUCH love for friends & family
c) Like grey hair should come back in style- it would be cheaper for me.
d) All of the above

I just can’t imagine what our life would be like had Tucker’s cancer not come back. I think back to the 3 years he was in remission from his first cancer and I feel like I really took that time for granted. I should have done more, I could have done more- but never ever did I expect for us to go through this again- but you never really see these things coming. We were sure blessed with a child who:
a) Can take this cancer- again- & kick its butt-again.
b) Laughs & smiles daily & is so grateful for life.
c) Doesn’t laugh- too much- when he spots mom’s grey hairs..
d) all of the above.

There are no words out there to tell all of our friends & family how much your love and support means to us. We never, ever would have made it this far without you. From the perfect stranger who I will never meet- to my friends & family who have been there from day 1 of 1st cancer over 7 years ago, to all of you I say:
a) Wow- you are all so amazing- how did I get so lucky?
b) You are wonderful and we are so grateful for everything!
c) Come on, go grey with me!
d) All of the above… (ok, I know “C” won’t float..LOL)

I have been having a hard time this past month with our year anniversary coming up- I didn’t really realize that’s what was wrong with me until just one day it hit me- ITS ALMOST BEEN A YEAR or 7, depending on what cancer anniversary we are celebrating. What would our life been without cancer:
a) Stress free & full of butterflies and rainbows
b) Cheaper
c) No grey…
d) all of the above (except C… I don’t think I would have gotten away from the grey… maybe it wouldn’t’ have grown so fast though without the cancer stress LOL)

I know this is an odd post… but I had a dream about how I wanted to write this (yes, I type in my dreams.. I’m so weird)…. And every statement and point that I wanted to make applied to more than one cancer.
In January 2005 our life changed forever- my little 4 year old started the battle for his life- In January 2010- our life changed forever again- my BIG 10 year old continued the battle for his life. I never could have made it this far without:
A) The most amazing husband & partner ever, thank you Justin for being so wonderful.
B) All the angels who have come into our life- we have angels that we have never even meet! Angels from as far away as Alaska have made an impact in our life.
C) Sales at Wal-mart on hair dye, thank you.
D) All of the above- and more, much more.


All the answers were D in case you were wondering
We are gearing up for another chemo filled year, and I’m so grateful to have you all here with me- even if you not “here”. We feel your prayers… we feel your love- keep it coming.

Happy anniversary… 1 year or 7 years… its an awesome anniversary as long as Tucker is here, battling the cancer- I’ll take every single cancer anniversary coming our way. We will beat this- we will win this, we will celebrate every year, celebrate life.
Here’s to Tucker.
WAY TO GO MAN, KEEP IT UP!
We love you-
Love mom & dad-
Amber & Justin.

Let It Grow.......

Hi everybody!

Tucker hasn’t been able to do chemo for the past 2 weeks because he didn’t pass his blood counts. His ANC (Absoluteneutrophil count- basically where your immune system stands- any thing under500 is considered sever neutropenia-high risk of infection) had to be above 500 to get chemo, and he just now got up to 750 on Monday- so off to chemo we go! He is at chemo today and my wonderful husband, Justin, offered to take Tucker up today- I LOVE THIS MAN- its so hard for me to not be up there with Tucker,but on the other hand & almost as important is me trying to get a full paycheck especially with Christmas (ugh) right around (ugh) the corner (SUPER ugh!).

The fun thing with Tucker is just this past month his hair started growing like CRAZY- in-fact I think the last time he was at school which was before Thanksgiving he was still bald- with a little bit of fuzz- and now in the past couple weeks its just been growing like mad! His whole head is filled in AND he almost needs a haircut (my opinion)… but the little stinker reminded me that long ago- (ha, not that long ago- seem like forever… but it was just this year) - when he was very sick, I had- at a very VERY weak moment- I promised Tucker when his hair grew back in- *sigh* I would let it grow for as long as he wanted it to *big sigh*…without cutting it- but come on- I would have promised him the world at that point- he was so sick and pale and getting chemo and blood ect ect ect…he looked at me with these big tired sick eyes and said “Mom, when it grows back- promise me that I don’t ever have to cut it again.” Now most of you would think this isn’t a big deal, but one of my pet peeves is bed head or messy boy hair. I love the clean cut look but Tucker wants it long and he’s earned that right. The really interesting thing is its now coming back in a different color. The first little fuzz that came in was just the most beautiful light blond, in fact it still made him look bald- but there was a nice growth going on with that color. I thought for sure it would come in that light beautiful blond- but when it started just mass-growing… its dark brown! He’s never been dark brown, he’s always been blond-but hair is hair- I guess I should be grateful that 1)its growing back and 2)its not purple or orange or some crazy color like that (that would have been fun though!). The funny thing is a couple months ago when I would ask Tucker what he wanted for Christmas, he would just say “I want my hairback”… and he got his wish, Thanks Santa! LOL

Since our chemo was delayed by a couple weeks this puts us in and out of the hospital all through the holiday season- but its fine, it will be just fine.

On Monday night we went with the group called HOPE KIDS and went to the Living Planet Aquarium, it was a blast. The kids had a great time running around and looking at all the fish. It was super fun. Here is a family picture of us.

I will let you all know tomorrow how chemo went today & what the doc’s say.

Love to all

Amber & family

It Was.......A BLACK FRIDAY

(Sorry for some misspellings and words with no spaces, blogger is not being very nice)

Picture this scene..... in Wal-Mart , 1 isle lays between me and my sister Tamy but it could have been a MILE for the sea of people made it impossible to see her, I gave her a hug before we parted and I said Good Luck little sis- I sure hope to see you on the other side, remember-WE TAKE NO HOSTAGES!
I wound my way though 1 isle… yes 1 isle -that took 10 minutes to get through (we are talking maybe 20 steps) to get to THE pile- the PILE where my treasure lay- my one soul reason to venture out to this god for saken store, on this black Friday night. (It was Amber's idea by the way)

I am a strong person by damn! After all I’ve been through?! I laugh in the face of black Friday!

I’ve taken on doctors with the god-like mentality-
Nurses who I’m sure secretly are evil little goblins- and the worst of the worst- a child on STEROIDS MULITIPLEtimes and I have LIVED to tell the tale….

Taking on black Friday at Wal-Mart is NOTHING in comparison- I’m sure….
Breathing deep…. Anxiety through the roof… I’m giving dirty looks to the lady beside me who had slippers on her feet & PJ bottoms on with little cartoons all over them… and the guy on my other side is throwing us a look like “I don’t care if you ARE women- I’ll take you out- bring it ON”…. And we all stood huddled, breathing deep, throwing glances… every once and awhile somebody’s hand would twitch and it would make all our hands twitch…. And then we would all share a nervous glance with each other with a little smile on our face that said- ya, not yet…. just practicing. Then in my head I started visualizing the moment when the clock strikes 10pm-I had a plan of action…in my mind, I was going to step right & then shove the cute cartoon PJ’s lady, throw a left elbow and take out the guy giving dirty looks (I had a good ½ inch on him.. I could take him) and then throw both arms over the very small pile of very precious…Paper Jams.
Yes people, yes, you heard me right all of this intensive planning and anxiety was all for the silly toy called PAPERJAMS. They are guitars made out of-non other- cardboard. Here I am planning my battle over an item- that on this night, this precious holiday night- was only$7. *sigh* what we do to save money ….. You would think they were made of gold with the way we were acting… but on with the story…. Screaming shouted in the distance (that sounded more like a terrified scream other than a nice “GO”) the START to this “fun” holiday experience BEGAN as screaming erupted all around me! I dove for my 4 PAPERJAMS that I just had to have- throwing elbows and growling- It took me a minute to realize that, I started to look around.. and nothing was happening to my precious pile of Paper Jams- no other hands were in the pile- …. Hu… I really didn’t have any competition…the PJ lady to the right and the snarl guy to the left were standing there for another TOY! Not the paper jams- so they are going at it pulling down the boxes of stuff that they wanted and totally ignored me- I’m the ONLY lady to venture out to Wal-Mart on this black night- to buy the silly- Paper Jams. So I hung my head, reached in and casually flipped through all the paper jams to make sure I got the right ones- as if I was casually shopping- I got my jams and even had time to think “hummm… this one? Or this one…?” - and then I turned around to go help Tamy- but picture this around me- the screams the shrieks- the noises of towers falling people yelling- oh my it was mass chaos- I looked down the isle that lead to Tamy and realized it was no use- she was for sure a goner! There was no way she would have made it out… so I shouted “Tamy, I know you’ll never make it out alive! So I’m not even going to try! I will tell people your last though was of your kids while you died trying to get them a big huge bucket of Legos”. Oh, but to be fair- she was also getting me a bucket of Lego's- HA! Apparently the deal with the Lego's was WAY better than my deal with the paper Jams- I guess all of Utah turned out to get this bucket of Legos… and I had left Tamy to fight that battle on her own- I am a bad sister- or I’m brilliant! Depends on how you look at it…. Anyways…

I took a step to the back of me and founda pile of something- I don’t even know what it was, all I know is it was part of the BLACK FRIDAY FRENZY…. So I reach down and scooped it up! & I saw another obscure item fall to the floor- as 2 other people were diving for it- I reached down and grabbed it! And then I turned to haul butt to the front of the store- I got 5 steps in my bolt and immediately hit a wall of people!
So I started shoving & pushing my way up to the front to get in line & get out while I still had my life & my precious paper jams.
When I get closer to the front- in the distance I see…. What looks like could be my little sister!

What’s this?! She made it out ALIVE! Oh I was over come with joy & happiness seeing her standing there-victorious! Holding 2 buckets of Lego’s! I was so proud of her! So I shoved my way past all these people up to her side and threw my arms around her and told her I thought for sure she was a goner! So after my initial I’m-so-glad-your-alive and then swapping horror stories with each other & compare battle scars and loot- we waited in line to check out for another HOUR. By the time we got up to check out I was so OVER the whole black Friday thing and wanted to throw down my precious paper jams and leave! But Tamy kept me sane & happy & filled with Diet Coke. (Amber failed to mention that she wanted me to make my way across the store after I had my precious Lego's to grab her another hot toy. I looked at her with disgust! I told her to pick her battles and I was NOT leaving my Lego post for her Crayola Glow Dome or risking my life...Tamy)

And then we went to Target- and that was awhole lot less climatic then Wal-Mart- everything was in order, we were all ina straight line- no pushing and shoving- I sprinted when I got in the store to get the Xmas tree I wanted- come to find out that when I got to the trees-there were TONS left! My feelings of panic and pushing and screaming were leftover in my head from the Wal-Mart experience and I expected the same at Target-but no, it was actually very nice. Me and Tamy got home at 1am and had a great shopping trip all together & now we have a GREAT black Friday story.
  
For Thanksgiving-before the dreaded black Friday shopping story (that was a pretty funny story though hu? LOL I crack myself up!),me Justin & Tucker went to Tamy & Ricks house for prim rib, and it was delicious and great company! I had a blast playing with the kids & shopping with Tamy. Tucker had a great time, he ate all his food and played lots of Xbox and got dang near anything he asked aunt Tamy for- because she spoils him! But just think for a second, in your own home- if you had a child in your house, not your kid, and you knew he had cancer, would YOU tell him no to ANYTHING? And guess what- he KNOWS that too…. LOL but look at it like- it’s the one thing he CAN use to his benefit.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Now on to Christmas *sigh*

Ugh…

Man, now I’ve got to get ready forChristmas….

If there is a Christmas fairy out there that can sprinkle Christmas Spirit dust on me, I would sure appreciate it- but don’tsprinkle, just dump a TON… maybe it will work.

Love to all-
The black-Friday Victorious warrior- Amber
(and Justin & Tucker also- of COURSE!)

X, Tucker, Grandma Kathy, Grandpa Corky Wilson, Autumn and Aspen

Amber in line at Walmart

Tamy barely survived Walmart with 2 boxes of Lego's! WE SURVIVED barely

A Birthday Poem

*warning, this post contains really lame & bad poetry*

When somebody in my family has a birthday I write a little thing about them- but since I’ve been in my “low” lately I’ve missed a few birthdays- every year when we hit the holidays in my family and we have birthdays coming out our ears!
***WARNING- BAD POETRY ABOUT BIRTHDAYS TO FOLLOW- IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH FOR HORRIBLE POETRY PLEASE SKIP AHEAD TO THE END OF THIS POST OR JUST CLOSE YOUR BROWSER WINDOW IMMEDIATELY!- IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THE POEM- YOU DO SO AT YOUR OWN RISK*****

Happy Birthday to some special folks-
Who love to laugh and love to joke-
You are so dear to me in many ways
Lets point out to the WORLD (as if that many people read this blog)
How old you are today-
Mom, dear mom- I can’t even guess
I know your old- but you’re still the best!
You have beat cancer 2 times now
And you’re still mostly-kind-of- sound… (…LOL)
I love you so much you’re an amazing mom,
I mean- look at me, I turned out to be da’BOMB
Instead of counting presents I’m sure you’ll agree
Lets just focus on you staying cancer free.

My oldest sister- so so much older than she admits-
Oh, wait- that’s me that throws the “age” fits…(ha!)
Charity you’re older than me, I want to point that out
She is older, I’m younger- here’s something to think about.
Its time to point out all of the candles on your cake
34 years with me as your sister it’s time to celebrate!
You have made it this far, I haven’t killed you yet (ha!)
I’m just joking- & kidding, so don’t throw a tissy- fit..

I love you both, my sister & my mom
I hope you had a great day that’s come & gone.
I realize I’m late in writing this post
Remember, though, I love you the MOST.
I know this poem is terrible but I try to do it with grace
Just know above all- my hearts in the right place.

******** for all of those people who actually read the entire poem, thank you very much- for all of you who skipped the poem and are reading this now- hey, I don’t blame you- you have saved yourself from some horrible rhyming.
I hope you both had great birthdays-
Love you so much-
The sister who can’t write poetry (and is younger than both of you- I don’t know why but I feel the need to keep pointing that fact out)…
Amber
I

Denise....Mom....54 years young

Birthday Girls Denise (Mom) Nov 19 and Charity (Sisiter) Nov 21 Charity is 34 years young

Tamy (green), Amber holding Steelie (6months), Denise (mom) and Charity (Oldest Sister)