Took it Like a Man!

Sunday March 13th.
Yes I’ve been up here for a couple days- for the most part Justin has covered the big stuff in his crazy non-rambling-perfectly formatted post (jealous!) . I really need to learn how to not ramble and make more sense……….. naaaa, that’s the fun part about my posts… LOL.
Let me back track to Friday, some different things happened on Friday. This was the first day EVER that neither Justin nor I could be here with Tucker during the day. We both had to go to work. At first I was anxious about leaving Tucker up here but his nurse looked at me and said “think of this like he has the worlds best & most expensive babysitters!” and boy isn’t that the truth! One touch of a button a nurse comes running! He picks up the phone and he has room service! So I started to relax. They also told me that up here the “Kids Crew Volunteers” that they have up here will send up volunteers to come and hang out with Tucker and play Xbox. SWEET! So I got Tucker signed up for the “rotation” schedule and sure enough before I left Tucker had his first volunteer willing to play any xbox game that he wanted. Now my anxiety about leaving Tucker on Friday came more from the fact that Tucker was going to get this chemo shots in his thigh while I was gone. Remember those in my earlier post about the “nuclear bomb of shots”? Ya, he was due for those. I made sure to have my bases covered up here, they have “Child Life Specialist” who’s whole job is to help the kids cope and understand what is going on. One assigned especially for “In House “ kids. His name is Mike and he is SO COOL. But still I was nervous and anxious about leaving him. I went to work and fretted about it all day long. I was a nervous wreck. So when I got back up to the hospital- I just left work and ran right up there- the deed was done, the chemo was in. I said “Tucker, my love my baby! My sweet baby boy how did it go?! Are you OK?! How was the shots???” He looked at me with the very serious gaze and said something to me that I will never forget
“Mom, it was alright, I just sucked it up and I took it like a man!”
My jaw dropped…. My breath caught in my throat…. You took….. it…… like….. a….. *gulp* MAN?! Not MY POOR BABY BOY! YOUR JUST A BABY!
Tucker said “mom, it's alright, I’m fine- you’ll feel better once you go blog about it, you ARE going to tell everybody that I took the shots like a man, right????”
Again……………jaw dropped…Yes Tucker- I’ll tell the world.
So as my little heart broke because my little baby boy…. Is a man… (well, according to him) I “sucked it up” and realized that this time is going to be soooooooooooo much different than last time. Last time when he was 4 years old his whole life is “mom” and he was the “baby” and only mom could give him that comfort cuddle that all babies need. This time Tucker is his own little man, making decisions and being more in charge of what happens to him and his body. He is aware of what is going on and wants his voice heard. But MAN does that break my little heart! Don’t all us mommies just want to keep our babies a baby no matter their age?
He turned to me one random time throughout our stay up there and said “Mom, do you know that most of my childhood has to do with cancer? That’s not normal right? Man, that sucks.”
I said “no Tucker, it's not normal BUT there are many MANY worse things in the world then cancer and many worse kids with harder trials and problems than yours. There are kids who can’t see and never will see- but YOU will get better. There are many kids who can’t walk and never will walk- but YOU will get better. There are kids who can’t hear and never will hear- but YOU will get better. Tucker, Cancer sucks- you bet- BUT there is ALWAYS worse out there, so we need to be grateful for our trial, because it could always be worse.”
He just looked at me, and broke out in this HUGE smiled and said “your right mom, thank you- I love you.”
In the back of my mind I THOUGHT (but didn’t say) …. There are kids who had cancer and didn’t make it- BUT YOU WILL MAKE IT.

Monday March 14th.
We made it home alright, we got sent home on Sunday. Tucker is on 2 iv antibiotics to kill off the icky germ. On the last night at the hospital… my hubby, Justin, had went earlier that day to go and buy a nice extra soft cushion padding to sleep on, the only problem is he is in Clinton and I was in at the hospital (40 mins away). My friend, Karyn was going to come up and see me and Tucker and bring up the sleeping pad, but her plans fell through and she couldn’t make it. So Justin asked me if I wanted him to bring me the new pad to save me from one more night in hell- I can’t even explain to you how horrible the “beds” AKA torture device, are. I told him it was OK, don’t waste the gas it was for only one more night. So I psyched myself up to stand one more night in that trap- when 1 hour latter my husband comes charging through the door like the white knight coming to my rescue! He had this ultra 5 inch pad thick mattress for me…… it was sheer heaven! He brought the kids but they could not come in to see tucker, so we took tucker out to the waiting area. They were excited to see him and Lily had a lot of questions (Tucker was all hooked up to tubes and IV’s and his machine was beeping). It was great to see the kids! Thank you Justin for charging to my rescue! I slept great that night.
Right after Justin left, Tucker’s teacher showed up. I just sat quietly to the side as she took him through his lessons. She spent a good hour and a half up there teaching Tucker. She stayed right up until 10 pm, the end of visiting hours. She put Tucker through the works! Math, spelling, ect ect ect…. It was GREAT! Tucker loved every minute of her visiting and her teaching. She saw us 2 times up at the hospital this last stay! Thank you so much Mrs. Shipman! You are the best most dedicated teacher ever. We got so lucky to have you and I don’t know what we would have ever done without you. Your dedication to my son’s education means so much to me.
More to come later- but I feel like I’m still catching up on my sleep. Love to all… (did I mention that I have to give Tucker is IV at midnight, every night? The one thing about being home is we have to do it all… LOL sometimes I DO miss the hospital) ……………………..Amber Justin & Tucker