Hokey Poky

I have now successfully started this statement and deleted this statement about 5 times. I just don’t know how to start- I have so much to say I just can’t figure out where to begin. My last post was on Monday, and yet I feel like I’m so far behind….
I want you all to know I feel your love and support. There is so much I want to say… but I feel like i’m lacking in words. If you read my past posts… you would know that I ALWAYS have something to say… and yet I sit here stumped. The support and love we have received in this hard time has been so overwhelming that its like we……can’t take a breath…. Without breathing in the love. We can’t take a step without having hundreds of other people taking that same step with us. I look into the future and I see our future like a big dark fog- so thick I can’t see 1 inch in front of my face- at first it feels scary and terrifying- the unknown… so frightening…. until I look to my side and behind me and realize I’m surrounded by hundreds of people that are going to follow me every step of the way into the fog. All of a sudden it’s not scary any more….. how can it be scary when you’re not alone? I take one step, you take a step… I put my left foot in- you put your left foot in… I put my left foot out… you put your left foot out… we all put our left foot back in…and YES people YES, then we all together shake it all about!!! We will all do that hokey-poky and turn our self’s around… and (say it with me now..) THAT’S…. WHAT….. ITS….. ALL…. ABOUT!
I amaze myself sometimes- I can’t believe I ended my serious statement with the hokey-poky… . man, I’m good.
ANYWAYS…. Moving on from my mental derailment…. Tucker…. Yes our dear boy Tucker- is doing ok, all things considered. I want to just get technical here for a minute, we found out on this last Monday what the future holds…. And by future I mean only the next 22 weeks. I finally got a copy of Tucker’s “ROAD MAP”. Why, Amber, what’s a road map? Is that the directions you need to get to the hospital? Why no dear Johnny, (although that is useful to have because I’ve gotten lost going to the hospital …going home, and to work.. to Tuckers school.. ect… I just figure I wasn’t built with a map in my head… and that God wants me to see all new places, all the time)…. This ROAD MAP is the course of Tucker’s chemo for the next 2 years. Our “map” though the great battle for MIDDLE EARTH… no wait, I mean, the BATTLE OF TUCKER’S CANCER…. What I have so far is 22 weeks ahead- give or take it will “end” in July. We have gotten 3 weeks under our belt… ugh, that doesn’t sound like very much.. ANYWAYS… Week 5 is estimated to start on February 28th (Monday). Tucker will only start the next course if his blood counts have recovered enough to proceed. But most likely we will start on the 28th. This is where it gets…. Hard. His first chemo on the new map we will have to be admitted at Primary Children’s Hospital for 3days 2nights. He gets a chemo called Ara-C on every 12 hours for the 3 days, for a total of 5 doses of chemo (oh that fog is looking thicker right now)…. And if all goes well on the end of the 3rd day we go home. Week #6- quite frankly scares the bajeezes out of me (I don’t think there is proper spelling for bajeezers?) He will get a series of shots in his thigh muscles, 4-6 shots given at the same time…. Now didn’t that just make your tummy knot up a little? He will get that series of shots 2TIMES that week- so Monday and Thursdays. WOW. That really is going to BITE. WEEK#7 we get a break! No chemo no nothing… and then we repeat that whole thing AGAIN… 3 days 2 nights admin… followed by all the shots.. and that takes us through week#10…. That’s a lot to absorb so I’ll fill you in later with what week 11-22 holds (its not much better, but we don’t have the shots at least).
I want to express my gratitude for all my coworkers at HCA, I have not cooked a meal since January sometime. If you all keep feeding us, there is a very good chance I’ll forget how to cook! Although Tucker and Justin say (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU) and I said… hey! You said you loved my cooking!!! They just look at me and say “no, we said we loved YOU…”
My HCA had a big meeting today where they told me they raised $1400 for us! HOLY COW!!! When they told me that, my jaw dropped to the floor- my eyes flooded with tears… $1400???? LIKE, OVER A THOUSAND?! REALLY REALLY? REALLY? I just started crying- I just couldn’t stop crying… I was so overwhelmed… that’s so amazing- YOU ARE ALL SO AMAZING- THANKYOU TO EVERYBODY WHO SUPPORTED US AND “TEAM TUCKER”….. and may I say BRAVO-BRAVO- hats off my HCA people---you all hid everything SO WELL from me! I had NO IDEA! You guys are getting sneaky!!
I will post more later about my more personal experiences… but right now I have Tucker sitting right by my side now saying “what’cha doin mom? What about now? What you typing? Mom, what did you say you’re doing? Mom, look I found a Rock Band game… Mom, the dogs stink… Mom mom mom mom…….”
Love you all-
Amber